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Taking My Life
by Melissa Grant
If I were to die,
I'd want it to be silent.
Not noticed, just like me.
I'd like to go in a whisper,
standing lightly on a cliff
overlooking white rapids.
A picture painted for me,
of what my thoughts look like
only, if they could be seen.
The wind would break
through my outstretched hands.
The river talking to me below:
life, living, alive, freedom, death.
I would fall on a whim
breathing the rush of crisp air.
For the first time in my life
I'd feel alive. Truly alive,
and maybe for that moment
I wouldn't want to die.
No other way
would I rather go
than feeling as I never have.
But before I go
I'd like to tell you something.
To my guardians:
those in which I seek shelter,
you've only provided hell.
Childish squabbling
with your fire and pitchforks.
You are the demons
of my demise.
Pulling me in the middle
of your game.
Leaving me no place
Hopeless and Helpless
have I become?
Seeking love in a family
who only knows hate.
And one more thing
before I go.
To my angel:
nothing more, nothing less.
Who tried to rescue me,
and so gallantly failed.
I love you
all the more for trying.
Even now it brings me a smile
at least to know you cared.
But you could not give me
what I thought I needed.
Your hands are tied
and I don't blame you.
The ropes of life
have your hands tied down.
What I needed from you
was more support
than you were ready to give.
You're young, I know,
and I don't blame you for that.
I feel this is more a favor done,
in time you'll find much more
without me.
Although thank you
my sweetest love,
you were the closest thing
to life I had.
Of course,
only all this
If I were to die.
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