Families: Then and Now
By Cindy Hermanson-Coffee

Society seems to have many different opinions when it comes to relationships and families and what is ideal. The ideal family may not exist anymore. We now have in our society families that are complete that do not necessarily contain the traditional material. The traditional family, as society would see it; usually consist of a married, mother and father and usually children. Moms are supposed to stay at home while dads work the forty-hour a week job. However, in our 2003 world, families exist in a lot of non-traditional ways. A lot of families now consist of single parent families, or same sex parents and their children, or even couples that are unmarried but live together. And even now, if a family contains what society sees as traditional as far as having a mom, dad, and kids, other aspects are not traditional anymore. Women now have more opportunity in the workplace than they have ever had, therefore, many moms are career moms and dads are sometimes staying at home. Years ago, these types of families were given labels for being dysfunctional or abnormal, however, this label is not holding up as well as it did years ago. There are many non-traditional
families that are raising children in a loving, nurturing home with a substantial amount of quality love. Quality is the key in any relationship between anyone. Society is finding out that it is not the traditional image that makes a loving family, but the quality of a relationship that people give to each other is what really makes a family. In the essay "The Myth of the "Normal" Family", written by Lousie B. Silverstein and Carl F. Auerbach, they make references to the cultural idea of what a "normal" family should be and what it really is. They also help us to understand how the definition of family has changed over the years.

Society has changed their definition of family over the years. According to Silverstein and Auerbach's essay "most people believe that the best way to raise children is with both a stay-at-home mother and a breadwinner father in a long-term marriage that lasts "till death do us part" (Silverstein, Auerbach 604). This used to be what the image of the ideal traditional family was and what was best for children. However, as generations pass this idea seems to be becoming an old myth. With the economy at a low and women having more power and opportunities, tradition has changed families. Women are taking on careers and working and are no longer being the stay-at-home moms. Dad roles are also changing. The role of the male has generally been known for making money, having power, and job related responsibility. Men are now taking on babysitting and housekeeping as additional roles. Those additional roles are definitely a big change for society, as men have traditionally carried the role as the strong, job oriented, male.

In the past, more couples tended to stay together regardless of how bad a marriage was because that is what the unwritten rule of a family was, and it was in the best interest of children for a family to stay together, regardless of the other circumstances. Staying married gave you the title of a "normal" family. As time has moved on, society has accepted the fact that unhappy, unproductive, couples do not make a perfect family. Actually, those types of unhappy relationships tend to be more harmful to children. Bad relationships are more harmful than being in a divorced family. It no longer seems to be a rule set in stone that you must remain married, or even get married to have a functional, normal, family. A good example of this societal deception was carried out in my personal life. For eleven years, I was married to my high school sweetheart, I thought that because we had dated for seven years and because he was the only person that I had premarital sex with, that, according to what society thought was normal and the "right' thing to do, marriage was the answer. We were supposed to get married. That was my first mistake. After a few years of being married and although we both were miserable and my husband was very physically and verbally abusive, we decided to have children, because that is what married people were supposed to do. I went through hell for so many years. It was a choice I made to stay in this abusive relationship and to have children. But my choices were made based on what I thought were the right things to do, the choices in life that we are supposed to make. Because society always let me know that these were the right choices. I continued to make poor choices in this marriage because I continued to do what I knew society said I should do. This included staying with a man that inflicted abuse upon me and in front of my children. I remember always struggling with the decision to leave and divorce him, but I kept convincing myself that it would be wrong for me to allow my children to grow up in a divorced family. It only took me a couple of years to finally decide that being in a divorced family would be much better for my children as opposed to them growing up watching an abusive relationship between their father and me. I then realized that what society deemed a "normal" family, was in fact a wrecked family. I knew from that point on that I could provide my children with a good, loving, home. A home that didn't include a male living with us, but that also did not include the violence and unhappiness that they were being taught.

The definition of family has now reached a turning point to a new definition. A family does not have to include a male and female that are married, nor does a family have to have a male and a female to raise children properly or functionally. I believe that more and more people are realizing that what makes a family is the quality of a relationship that they can offer to other people. And those other people could be anyone from male to female, to same sex relationships, or adults to children. People of any race, sex, or age that can offer unconditional love, strength, morals, values, and respect to others are more qualified to be called "normal" or having a "family" than any two people that are married, with or without children, that are not offering to others what is needed to become a real, normal, family. Families can be single moms, single dads, same sex parents, or even other relatives. What is important and what makes people have the most rewarding families are the qualities of their relationships. This type of family is the family that will stay together and function happily in our society.

Works Cited

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